Randy's Guide to Asian Massage Parlors
By Randy Boise
2/11/2002 I've been visiting Asian Massage Parlors (AMP) for years now, having
gotten my first taste as schoolboy in an Asian Country. While they
don't always deliver a 100-year flood kind of experience, they are
great for their availability, cost and general quality. Numerous people
have commented about bad experiences in AMPs but I believe, that in
the large, they just didn't know how to go about getting what they
wanted. Out of literally hundreds of visits, I've had only one bad
experience (she thought I was a cop or something) in an AMP and the
MamaSan wanted to make it up to me.
Disclaimer. This guide does not encourage you to take part in any
illegal activity.
The Setup AMPs everywhere are amazingly similar in their structure and
operation. It usually consists of a small entry area with a
services/prices sign, doorbell button and a small window. Inside, it's
usually a warren of corridors and small rooms. Some (like Golden
Flower, in SF) have a waiting area inside where you can pick out your
girl. They often have a separate exit where you can leave and avoid
the next guy coming in.
Costs Your mileage will vary but typically, the basic service (massage, body
shampoo, …) will cost as little as $ 40 for a half hour to $ 80 for an
hour. There are lots of variations so you will need to think on your
feet. I prefer to opt for the lower cost entry fee and give more tip
money to the girl. For additional services, you will negotiate with the
girl for her tips (more on this later). Full service, if available, usually
runs $ 100 to $ 120. For oral, its usually $ 60-80 and a hand release is
typically $ 40 but sometimes can be had for the basic package price.
Many places have additional services like body shampoo, spa/hot tub,
sauna, etc. These can be really great additions. For example, body
shampoo can be very fun. It usually consists of her washing you all
over but is a great prelude to the off-menu extras.
Your total price will often be affected by local pricing. San Franciso
pricing is always a bit above the average. For example, Golden
Flower girls usually ask for 140-160 for extras (meaning closer to
$ 200 total). So, you wont pay much below $ 140 but should never pay
more than $ 200. The fancier the place, the higher the price.
I suggest you leave your wallet in your car or home or what ever.
Take only enough money to cover what you want. She can't shake
you down for money you don't have.
Getting In Your first goal is to get past the entry area. You enter, ring the bell
and wait nervously while some one comes to greet you. It's often the
MamaSan. She usually weighs about 200 lbs and has an unfriendly
demeanor. In some places, the next available girl greets you. Usually
she says "what you want?". Here's where you need to be creative.
Your goal is to become her friend.
If you know nothing about the place, ask for what ever appears to be
their standard "legit" offering. Like body shampoo or massage or hot
towel wrap. You get the picture. Never ask for a service that isn't on
the menu. I once asked for a massage and they said "no have
massage". After some uh-ing and ah-ing I got inside but it was very
uncomfortable. Never, ever ask for anything illegal. You'll be back
on your way in no time flat! Also, you don't need to opt for the 1 hr
service, there appears to be little enforcement of the time.
If you have read reviews and know a girl's name, ask for her. I
usually try to pick a review that is old enough so there is a good
chance she's not there anymore. You will get something like "she not
here now". I usually say, "that's too bad, she was really nice". Then
ask who else is available. A couple of times, I've gotten the girl that I
asked for. I just play along. She's probably seen hundreds of guys
and she doesn't want to upset you so she'll play along too.
In either case you will get The Question. "You been here before?"
There is only one correct answer – Yes. (OK, if it's a BRANDNEW
place, maybe not.) The reason for this is that they will often put you
through a much more stringent test (more on this later) but more
importantly, you wont get their best girl. Repeat customers get better
service.
This is often followed by "who you see?". Be creative. Forgetting her
name is always ok. Describe an average Asian woman. Be calm and
deliver it smoothly. Unless you look like Law Enforcement, you wont
get the third degree. One time I asked for a girl I had seen and
MamaSan said "nobody that name ever here". I just shrugged and
said, "I must be wrong about the name". I got in.
At this point you may be asked to pay for the service you selected.
Sometimes they bring your change later so don't be alarmed if they
don't give it immediately. One thing that is very good is to give
MamaSan a tip. Ten or twenty dollars goes a long way towards
making her like you and picking a better girl for you. I had one
MamaSan really like me a lot – she'd hug me when I left and I always
got her best girls. All for a measly $ 20. Good investment, huh? Also,
it doesn't hurt to let them see your tip money when you pay for the
room. Just another signal that you are real.
In some AMPs, the girl will take a lump sum payment for the room
and extras at the start. That is always a good sign but be aware that
there is a risk that they aren't a full service place.
Never, ever mention reviews or the internet. I have heard of guys
being turned away at that point. These outfits want to fly under the
radar so any kind of publicity is bad in their minds. Also, remember
to smile at her. She's human.
The Room OK, so you made it past the MamaSan! There are usually 2
possibilities: you get shown to a room or you get to make your girl
selection. You can figure out how to pick a girl on your own. Just one
thing, I never pick the prettiest girl (unless the rest are all total
woofers). This is because all the guys pick her and you are much more
likely to get great service from number 2 or 3. She will then take you
to the room.
If you get shown to the room, it means MamaSan is making the
selection for you or the girl that met you is yours. The room is usually
about the size of a walk-in closet with a massage table, maybe a chair
and a little table to put stuff on. They all seem to have that St Vincent
DePaul ambiance. After some chit-chat she will probably tell you to
disrobe or get comfortable or something similar and then leave. Some
times this is where the money for basic service gets taken. Once you
are alone in the room, disrobe immediately. This is very important.
Getting naked is the first sign that you are a real customer. It's ok to
put a towel on but let her see your cock by being "careless" with the
towel. This is essential to establishing a level of trust between you
and her. At a new place, I will often take my tip money out and put on
the table. That's a good signal.
At some point you will be offered a shower, body shampoo or similar.
You should take it. There are several reasons for this. Cleanliness is
very important to Asians. If she washes you, it can be fun and help
send the right signals (see below). It helps to establish you as a real
customer.
The Test Your girl will enter the room to start the basic service. It is critical that
you let her know that you're a hobbyist. You should try to give her a
hug at some point. Body contact is always a good way to send the
right signals. I usually try to run my hands over her ass while hugging.
Having an erection she can feel is very helpful as well. If it's a
massage, you will lie on your stomach and she will start doing her
thing. She will ask you questions (who you see, where you live, where
you work, …). They are designed to give her a sense of you. At this
point you need to be sending signals to her that you are looking for
more than a massage. Here are some things that seem to work: Have
an erection; Drop your hand down and rub her legs as she massages
you; Make satisfied sounds when she rubs you ass; Hump your ass up
every time she gets near it. I particularly like ass play. She will often
focus on it and it can lead to some fun. By the way, at that point,
you've probably passed the test.
I've had some fun tests. One girl walked up to me as I sat on the
massage table and pulled her shirt up. I buried my face in her boobs
and we were off to the races. Some times the initial hug can turn into
heavy foreplay. Just keep your wits about you and don't hesitate to
take some gentle liberties.
Extras Assuming you have passed the test, she will ask you what else you
want. Often this happens after she is done massaging your back and
flips you over. I usually whisper in her ear "everything". Then she
will ask how much you want to pay. I often start at 80 and settle for
100. She will try for 120 or 140. They almost always settle for 100
but more popular girls can command a higher price. Girls in the
fancier places always ask for more. Also, if you've been really nice,
she may go a little easy on the price. What ever you do, never pay 80
or more for less than full service. This changes their pricing structure
and makes it hard to get good service at reasonable prices. Some times
they don't even talk price – that means she trusts you. Make sure you
compensate her fairly in that case.
Some times the above dance gets cut short. She may decide that you
are legit and go straight for the extras. I've had this happen a number
of times and while it makes it a little easier, I actually enjoy the dance.
The good ones will often give you the basic service even if you got the
extras up front however, a fair number of the girls want to move you
along as soon as possible.
Special Situations Some times you will just get a girl that doesn't do extras. No amount
of signals help. That's life. Don't be rude or angry. You should get
the basic service you agreed on, though. Note that you may have sent
the wrong signals. She will let you know if she's not available for
extras by rejecting your signals. It will be obvious. However, they
sometimes do this if they still aren't sure about you yet. So don't give
up immediately.
If you want special things like kissing, Greek, etc., you will need to
ask the girl about them when negotiating. Note that these are fairly
rare but it doesn't hurt to ask.
Sometimes they give you a real hound. I've never had an absolute dog
but several that weren't "my type". It's your right to say no and ask
for some one else. Keep in mind that this doesn't always lead to
getting a better-looking woman and, in my opinion, almost never leads
to a good experience. So, I usually walk out in that case. Some times
they offer some one else at that point. Be nice about it and act sad but
not angry. They usually do want to keep you happy.
What about a visit from Law Enforcement? This happens from time to
time. Given the structure of how people gain admission, its likely that
this will not be a totally rude surprise and you will have time to
prepare for a visitor in your room. Stay calm. There is nothing illegal
about getting a massage or sauna or what ever. This actually
happened to me during, shall we say, a very inappropriate moment.
There was a signal that I missed but she didn't. I put a towel on and
sat on the massage table for what seemed like an hour. The fellow that
entered the room was polite and only asked me a few questions. I
complained about not getting my massage yet and he moved on. After
they left, we finished up!
Finding an AMP They are everywhere! I've found them in every major North
American city I've ever visited and lots of smaller towns have them as
well. A stroll through the phone book usually helps. You can usually
tell by their name. It often is some Asian sounding name. Some of
them use works like Spa, Acupressure, Sauna, Massage, etc in the
name. Places that use terms like LMP (Licensed Massage Provider) or
your local equivalent typically aren't an AMP. Though, I have visited
a couple that had LMP on the sign. They are usually in somewhat run
down buildings in strip malls and such. Typically, all the windows are
curtained off and the outside lighting is dim.
The Internet is a great place to do your research. TbeBigDoggie,
TheEroticReview, Usenet and numerous other sites have lots of good
information. You will be able to find places that have what you are
looking for and even get girl's names. My current favorite AMP girl is
one I found that way.
Treat the Ladies Well Please, please, please, do not treat these girls badly. They are people
and have feelings. A lot of them are illegal aliens and spend nearly
their entire time in America (or where ever) in the parlor. They sleep
there, eat there, and work there. You will get a much better experience
if you are kind to them.
Conclusion There are lots of great AMPs out there. Don't hesitate to try it out.
